I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
