finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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