well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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