I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
