You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My ATM looks so different sober.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
