Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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