I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
