It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
