Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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