look no pants
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
