I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
