I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize