I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
