Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
