I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize