my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize