I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
