I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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