ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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