I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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