Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize