don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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