You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
