So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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