My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
