I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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