Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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