uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
