I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
