I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
