In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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