sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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