take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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