Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
