I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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