like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Who wears a wallet chain?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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