you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
