your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
