And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
