Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
