I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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