Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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