So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize