I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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