Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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