After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
