I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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