She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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