just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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