he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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