I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize