found the other keg... it's in the tree
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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