he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
