when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The ass gains better be worth it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize