i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
