i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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