I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
