I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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