after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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