Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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