too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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