There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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