Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
