you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
