My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
