No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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