I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
