When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
