wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
