When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
