so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
